This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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