I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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