I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize