I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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