Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Randomize
