I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
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