i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
