I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Randomize