i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Randomize
