Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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