I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize