That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Randomize
