Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Randomize
