If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
