Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
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