I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
I'm bleeding and have questions
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Randomize
