This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Randomize
