Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
