Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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