And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Randomize
