I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
I can text with my tongue
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Just pee around me
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Randomize
