the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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