When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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