it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
