I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
