He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
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