Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Randomize
