You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
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