I want to have your abortion
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
