My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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