he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize
