We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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