I smell stomach acid.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Randomize
