yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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