I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Randomize