Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
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