This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Success! We fucked roommates!
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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