Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Randomize
