i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Naked Twister starts at high noon
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Your topless pictures make me question reality
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
you made out with another girl for some wings
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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