The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
