How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
tonight lets celebrate not being married
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
