i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
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