Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Are we still banned from the library?
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize