the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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