Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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