I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
