Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
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