btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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