I think I am morally bankrupt
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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