Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
