Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
he fucked my hip out of place.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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