good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
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