Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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