What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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