Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I think I died a long time ago.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
