I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
pray to the hookup gods
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
