she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
i would one night stand the shit outta him
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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