Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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