I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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