Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
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