I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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