You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
