why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
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