yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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