How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Randomize
